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Ridding Yourself of Being A Manipulator to Better Your RelationshipsBy Brian MaloneyOne of the oldest character flaws in humans is their ability to manipulate each other. Its insidious nature tilts our everyday playing field toward the manipulator. The manipulating person has a basic personality flaw that has a direct link to control, but primarily the ever-abundant insecurity issue. So, how is it that we deal with these types of people to level the perverbial playing field? Well, for a moment, lets just consider the problematic issues that these types of people have so as to better understand what approach to take. In being manipulative, one would only need to look at the why and what, not the how, because the how is obvious. How do they do it? They use words as their arsenal for control. One should understand that manipulative people are generally control freaks who need to have the people they attempt to control conform to their ideology. By leveraging control over a particular situation, they satisfy the craving to fill that void of not having personal control, therefore obtaining it from another person. It is quite obvious that always trying to tilt the scales for yourself by being manipulative reflects a security problem in yourself. It's simple! If you do not feel secure with yourself, than you are insecure. Ah...but to what degree you may ask, do you have to be so insecure that you always attempt to obtain control and security elsewhere? Insecurities are in us all. We all feel vulnerable at times in any given situation, but what would propel us to be so insecure that we need to control others in our environment? This question could be answered differently for almost every manipulative person because what drives us to manipulate might be extremely deep-seated in one, where in another it is seated quite shallow. Most people have heard in one place or another; you can only control certain things in life, and much of the other stuff you need to just let the chips fall where they may. This is very true. Let's just look at one simple example to conceptualize. You have five one hundred dollar bills you have alloted yourself to use in attempts to make more money, so you head for the closest casino. Now, blackjack is your game of choice, so let me illustrate your possible control. You could, when the dealer asks you to cut the cards, place the divider at the very end, thinking this will stack the hands in your favor. You could change tables because one dealer is what you would call bad luck. The fact is that once you put your money down, you lose control of the situation. The dealer will deal you a winning or losing hand and you simply have no control over the situation, yet you might try to seize control by many illogical means in attempts to win. By not attempting to control everyone else, you come to an understanding that letting people live their lives in peace without your controlling ways, is the healthiest way in going about your relationships. Others will detect a distinct difference in your personality and certainly appreciate you, rather than resent your ill will. This is, again, a change in approach and attitude towards others that will need to be worked on everyday. In addition, one should want and need to see progression everyday to confirm the diminishing of this toxic characteristic. Let go of your need to always control and manipulate, it will definitely become a more harmonious existence, not only for others, but for yourself. About The Author Brian Maloney -ValuePrep.com Want to improve your personal values? Get high-quality relationship advice for guys and women from a 'Logical' standpoint. Visithttp://valueprep.com **Attn Ezine editors / Site Owners** Feel free to reprint this article in its entirety in your ezine or on your website as long as you leave all links in place, do not modify the content and include our resource box as listed above. valuepre@valueprep.com This article was posted on January 12, 2005
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